Sunday, June 12, 2016

On the wrong side of 30, married but without a kid

I am in my mid thirties and married for over a year. Presently I have no children. I used to think finding a Life partner is a big challenge but finding friends who resonate with you at this age, could turn out to be a bigger challenge. While I was single and hitting my mid-thirties most of my friends I knew were married, married with kids or single but boring. Yet, by a stroke of luck or by fluke and also since I was flexible and friendly enough to mingle with people from different backgrounds I was able to still meet some fun, single people and married women who had a life besides their kids and husband, a rare breed.
After enjoying a long period of singledom which was fraught with meeting a number of suitors I eventually took the plunge and got married after a lot of pressure from parents, society and my own mindset. I say my own mindset coz the society makes you feel like a loser if you are without a partner, as though your present life is not good enough.
Marriage is not really cakewalk. It takes a lot of adjustments. Life changes drastically. I was in for a rude shock once I was married. Things changed overnight.  I had this notion that if I had a partner I would be able to stay out late more often, have more friends since a lot of people my age were married by now. Alas, I found it more difficult to find people like me. I was meeting mothers with kids whose kids and their kitty parties were greater priorities or married women with strange agendas of their own. I rarely met any women like me. Married women with kids had only one advice to give, have a child ASAP or the talk would head towards mundane household topics. They had nothing else to talk about. Being the flexible me, I went out of my way to still be friends with these women and ended up making all the adjustments according to their busy schedules and decided to finally give-up.
Further to this, life in a foreign land can get more challenging. One starts feeling more shackled and lonely. Being without a job, friends and nothing to do except cooking and cleaning the house, an occasional painting or two, watching TV, or outings with husband on his off days would comprise most of these activities. Or someday there would be an occasional boring party where one would end up being privy to foolish and boring conversations of the wives of hubby's colleagues and friends. The fun, adventurous and lively person somehow gets relegated to some dark corner.

Living in a foreign city, on the wrong side of 30, without a child and trying to find a job, friends and a meaning of life can be quite a challenge. So here I am finding my own little meaning in a foreign city with a new status, a new setting and challenges…..

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