Forced Spirituality

I have nothing against spiritual organisations.... In fact, I have been part of couple of them in the past 2 years or so.
I found my spiritual path or the quest for the same some 2 years back and since then have been seeking answers to a whole lot of questions. I have also found some answers and some answers received, have confused me as well. Realizing that answers come to you when the time is right.
I have also realized I am unable to stick to a particular spiritual organisation for long. It made me feel so guilty! But then again spirituality is a personal thing. Its about finding the Divine and your inner self and a better way of life and much more, whatever works the best to find them. Feeling guilty and sticking to spiritual organisations (which are sprouting in numbers) doesn't solve our problems. We need to find what works best and then proceed ahead without any guilt.
I have been a part of a spiritual Buddhist organisation lately, whose ideals are great but the practice does not appeal to me anymore. Its about chanting and spreading the organisation further and bringing in more people underneath its domain and improving your karma.You are supposed to attend meetings, go for house visits, chant with people as much as possible, etc., etc...The doctrines of this organisation are too good and the chanting has truly given me a lot of positivity and strength but when people chase you to attend meetings, talk about having bad times if you are not studying the texts and not attending meetings, not respecting your time, etc.. etc..Then surely this doesn't remain a spiritual practice... It becomes a forced practice.A spiritual organisation which propagates a philosophy that if you do not practice, harm will come to you, then it certainly gets off its purpose...
A lot of times, organisations are marred by the so-called members' wrong practices, since they forget the actual purpose and mission of the organisation and only take up practices to solve their own life problems and improve their so-called karma.Its really sad that they do not acknowledge the discomfort or respect the time and space of people.I had joined this practice with a lot of enthusiasm but have totally become disillusioned.Friends who introduce you to such practices are only doing it for their own personal welfare and not for the other person's welfare, although they make it a point to ensure you feel its for your own good.
Spirituality has become a money-making business of selling books, publications, products, etc instead of guiding people to live better lives. Gone are the days when we actually found real mentors or gurus who would guide you to your spiritual path.
But then all is not lost. I am a spiritual person and also do believe in a lot of people who have propagated such wonderful ways of life and met some of them who have truly inspired me. But still think the spiritual path is your path to walk on and should not be marred by negativity and disillusionment. And its important to try and test and find out what works for you best....

Fear in Relationships

Generally what we call relationships in general language are based on our attachments and attractions. We make a image of another person is our mind. If that image matches our imagination of a good person then we start liking that
person. With more and more time with that person dependence on that person for our happiness keeps increasing. This is attachment. It always comes with fear. Fear of losing the acceptance of the other person, fear of any change in the thoughts, feelings or behavior of other person towards us. As soon as
it changes we get hurt and then blame other person for breaching our trust. We want their acceptance back at any
cost. We want them to be the same way with us on any cost. We get
angry if this doesn't happen.

This kind of fear comes out of dependence. In such a state of dependence we are always uncertain about the other person's feelings, thoughts and behavior towards us. We crave consistency in the other person's feelings, thoughts and behavior towards us. If this doesn't happen then we get hurt. This uncertainty, this fear, this
contradiction within, these arguments which keep happening within us keep troubling us continuously.

We are lonely inside. We want to get rid of this loneliness. We keep searching for somebody who can quench this thirst in us which manifests itself as loneliness.

When we get that person we get attached. Parallely we get fears of loosing them. When the person with whom we are attached changes their behavior with us, we get hurt. A feeling of opposition, hatred, jealousy starts coming in us. We keep troubling ourselves.

If we see ourselves then almost all our activities are happening for the sake of escaping from fear rather than to
understand it. When we are lonely we go to some restaurant, to a movie, to some amusement park or to some other place where we feel we will have fun. We make new friends or we keep searching for somebody who can make us feel good to get rid of this loneliness which is residing within us and is killing us continuously. We leave the friends who are now unable to make us feel good and make new friends. We get
associated with a new group, get associated with a new thoughts, new sets of people, make a new guru, start reading new books and other things. Most of the time the thing which we are doing is the escapism from the fear. We try to substitute fear with a thing which can not be substituted by that and it rather gives rise to many other problems which we have already seen. We see that there is something missing
in our lives but we do not know what it is and we keep searching. This is escapism.

In one line it can be said that cause of internal fear in a human being is lack of understanding of one's true nature and ultimately this internal fear itself becomes the cause of all the external fears, insecurities, lack of peace, wars, world wars etc.

Due to lack of understanding in a human being of their true nature, they recognize themselves in association with something like power, position, beauty, intellect, contacts with others, others perception towards him etc. This is what becomes the cause of attachment, cause of wrong evaluation
of oneself, ego in oneself and expectation from others to keep the evaluation consistent, right and good. When others do this we feel good, else bad and we start getting a feeling of opposition for the other person. This feeling of opposition for other person comes due to lack of understanding of oneself only. This feeling of opposition within ultimately becomes the cause of violence outside, so it is the internal environment which needs to be changed in a human being.

Ultimately the content of study for a human being is oneself. Due to lack self knowledge we blame others for our
feelings of breach of trust, disrespect, opposition, hatred, jealousy and many others and then want to change them. This process leads to violence.

At this point it is clear that there is a need for increase in human understanding of their true nature. What is the content of this understanding? There are only two questions which a human being has in his life. What we want and How can we
achieve it?

What do we want? Happiness, Prosperity, Relationships, Fearlessness in Society and Co-existence in Nature.

How can we achieve it? With an increase in understanding in every individual about their true nature.

This is real education.