Generally what we call relationships in general language are based on
our attachments and attractions. We make a image of another person is
our mind. If that image matches our imagination of a good person then we
start liking that person. With more and more time with that person
dependence on that person for our happiness keeps increasing. This is
attachment. It always comes with fear. Fear of losing the acceptance of
the other person, fear of any change in the thoughts, feelings or
behavior of other person towards us. As soon as it changes we get hurt and then blame other person for breaching our trust. We want their acceptance back at any cost. We want them to be the same way with us on any cost. We get angry if this doesn't happen.
This kind of fear comes out of dependence. In such a state of
dependence we are always uncertain about the other person's feelings,
thoughts and behavior towards us. We crave consistency in the other
person's feelings, thoughts and behavior towards us. If this doesn't
happen then we get hurt. This uncertainty, this fear, this contradiction within, these arguments which keep happening within us keep troubling us continuously.
We are lonely inside. We want to get rid of this loneliness. We keep
searching for somebody who can quench this thirst in us which manifests
itself as loneliness.
When we get that person we get attached.
Parallely we get fears of loosing them. When the person with whom we are
attached changes their behavior with us, we get hurt. A feeling of
opposition, hatred, jealousy starts coming in us. We keep troubling
If we see ourselves then almost all our activities are happening for the sake of escaping from fear rather than to
understand it. When we are lonely we go to some restaurant, to a movie,
to some amusement park or to some other place where we feel we will
have fun. We make new friends or we keep searching for somebody who can
make us feel good to get rid of this loneliness which is residing within
us and is killing us continuously. We leave the friends who are now
unable to make us feel good and make new friends. We get associated
with a new group, get associated with a new thoughts, new sets of
people, make a new guru, start reading new books and other things. Most
of the time the thing which we are doing is the escapism from the fear.
We try to substitute fear with a thing which can not be substituted by
that and it rather gives rise to many other problems which we have
already seen. We see that there is something missing in our lives but we do not know what it is and we keep searching. This is escapism.
In one line it can be said that cause of internal fear in a human being
is lack of understanding of one's true nature and ultimately this
internal fear itself becomes the cause of all the external fears,
insecurities, lack of peace, wars, world wars etc.
Due to lack
of understanding in a human being of their true nature, they recognize themselves in association with something like power, position, beauty,
intellect, contacts with others, others perception towards him etc. This
is what becomes the cause of attachment, cause of wrong evaluation
of oneself, ego in oneself and expectation from others to keep the
evaluation consistent, right and good. When others do this we feel good,
else bad and we start getting a feeling of opposition for the other
person. This feeling of opposition for other person comes due to lack of
understanding of oneself only. This feeling of opposition within
ultimately becomes the cause of violence outside, so it is the internal
environment which needs to be changed in a human being.
Ultimately the content of study for a human being is oneself. Due to lack self knowledge we blame others for our
feelings of breach of trust, disrespect, opposition, hatred, jealousy
and many others and then want to change them. This process leads to
At this point it is clear that there is a need for
increase in human understanding of their true nature. What is the
content of this understanding? There are only two questions which a
human being has in his life. What we want and How can we achieve it?
What do we want? Happiness, Prosperity, Relationships, Fearlessness in Society and Co-existence in Nature.
How can we achieve it? With an increase in understanding in every individual about their true nature.