Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Fear in Relationships

Generally what we call relationships in general language are based on our attachments and attractions. We make a image of another person is our mind. If that image matches our imagination of a good person then we start liking that
person. With more and more time with that person dependence on that person for our happiness keeps increasing. This is attachment. It always comes with fear. Fear of losing the acceptance of the other person, fear of any change in the thoughts, feelings or behavior of other person towards us. As soon as
it changes we get hurt and then blame other person for breaching our trust. We want their acceptance back at any
cost. We want them to be the same way with us on any cost. We get
angry if this doesn't happen.

This kind of fear comes out of dependence. In such a state of dependence we are always uncertain about the other person's feelings, thoughts and behavior towards us. We crave consistency in the other person's feelings, thoughts and behavior towards us. If this doesn't happen then we get hurt. This uncertainty, this fear, this
contradiction within, these arguments which keep happening within us keep troubling us continuously.

We are lonely inside. We want to get rid of this loneliness. We keep searching for somebody who can quench this thirst in us which manifests itself as loneliness.

When we get that person we get attached. Parallely we get fears of loosing them. When the person with whom we are attached changes their behavior with us, we get hurt. A feeling of opposition, hatred, jealousy starts coming in us. We keep troubling ourselves.

If we see ourselves then almost all our activities are happening for the sake of escaping from fear rather than to
understand it. When we are lonely we go to some restaurant, to a movie, to some amusement park or to some other place where we feel we will have fun. We make new friends or we keep searching for somebody who can make us feel good to get rid of this loneliness which is residing within us and is killing us continuously. We leave the friends who are now unable to make us feel good and make new friends. We get
associated with a new group, get associated with a new thoughts, new sets of people, make a new guru, start reading new books and other things. Most of the time the thing which we are doing is the escapism from the fear. We try to substitute fear with a thing which can not be substituted by that and it rather gives rise to many other problems which we have already seen. We see that there is something missing
in our lives but we do not know what it is and we keep searching. This is escapism.

In one line it can be said that cause of internal fear in a human being is lack of understanding of one's true nature and ultimately this internal fear itself becomes the cause of all the external fears, insecurities, lack of peace, wars, world wars etc.

Due to lack of understanding in a human being of their true nature, they recognize themselves in association with something like power, position, beauty, intellect, contacts with others, others perception towards him etc. This is what becomes the cause of attachment, cause of wrong evaluation
of oneself, ego in oneself and expectation from others to keep the evaluation consistent, right and good. When others do this we feel good, else bad and we start getting a feeling of opposition for the other person. This feeling of opposition for other person comes due to lack of understanding of oneself only. This feeling of opposition within ultimately becomes the cause of violence outside, so it is the internal environment which needs to be changed in a human being.

Ultimately the content of study for a human being is oneself. Due to lack self knowledge we blame others for our
feelings of breach of trust, disrespect, opposition, hatred, jealousy and many others and then want to change them. This process leads to violence.

At this point it is clear that there is a need for increase in human understanding of their true nature. What is the content of this understanding? There are only two questions which a human being has in his life. What we want and How can we
achieve it?

What do we want? Happiness, Prosperity, Relationships, Fearlessness in Society and Co-existence in Nature.

How can we achieve it? With an increase in understanding in every individual about their true nature.

This is real education.

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