Fear in Relationships

Generally what we call relationships in general language are based on our attachments and attractions. We make a image of another person is our mind. If that image matches our imagination of a good person then we start liking that
person. With more and more time with that person dependence on that person for our happiness keeps increasing. This is attachment. It always comes with fear. Fear of losing the acceptance of the other person, fear of any change in the thoughts, feelings or behavior of other person towards us. As soon as
it changes we get hurt and then blame other person for breaching our trust. We want their acceptance back at any
cost. We want them to be the same way with us on any cost. We get
angry if this doesn't happen.

This kind of fear comes out of dependence. In such a state of dependence we are always uncertain about the other person's feelings, thoughts and behavior towards us. We crave consistency in the other person's feelings, thoughts and behavior towards us. If this doesn't happen then we get hurt. This uncertainty, this fear, this
contradiction within, these arguments which keep happening within us keep troubling us continuously.

We are lonely inside. We want to get rid of this loneliness. We keep searching for somebody who can quench this thirst in us which manifests itself as loneliness.

When we get that person we get attached. Parallely we get fears of loosing them. When the person with whom we are attached changes their behavior with us, we get hurt. A feeling of opposition, hatred, jealousy starts coming in us. We keep troubling ourselves.

If we see ourselves then almost all our activities are happening for the sake of escaping from fear rather than to
understand it. When we are lonely we go to some restaurant, to a movie, to some amusement park or to some other place where we feel we will have fun. We make new friends or we keep searching for somebody who can make us feel good to get rid of this loneliness which is residing within us and is killing us continuously. We leave the friends who are now unable to make us feel good and make new friends. We get
associated with a new group, get associated with a new thoughts, new sets of people, make a new guru, start reading new books and other things. Most of the time the thing which we are doing is the escapism from the fear. We try to substitute fear with a thing which can not be substituted by that and it rather gives rise to many other problems which we have already seen. We see that there is something missing
in our lives but we do not know what it is and we keep searching. This is escapism.

In one line it can be said that cause of internal fear in a human being is lack of understanding of one's true nature and ultimately this internal fear itself becomes the cause of all the external fears, insecurities, lack of peace, wars, world wars etc.

Due to lack of understanding in a human being of their true nature, they recognize themselves in association with something like power, position, beauty, intellect, contacts with others, others perception towards him etc. This is what becomes the cause of attachment, cause of wrong evaluation
of oneself, ego in oneself and expectation from others to keep the evaluation consistent, right and good. When others do this we feel good, else bad and we start getting a feeling of opposition for the other person. This feeling of opposition for other person comes due to lack of understanding of oneself only. This feeling of opposition within ultimately becomes the cause of violence outside, so it is the internal environment which needs to be changed in a human being.

Ultimately the content of study for a human being is oneself. Due to lack self knowledge we blame others for our
feelings of breach of trust, disrespect, opposition, hatred, jealousy and many others and then want to change them. This process leads to violence.

At this point it is clear that there is a need for increase in human understanding of their true nature. What is the content of this understanding? There are only two questions which a human being has in his life. What we want and How can we
achieve it?

What do we want? Happiness, Prosperity, Relationships, Fearlessness in Society and Co-existence in Nature.

How can we achieve it? With an increase in understanding in every individual about their true nature.

This is real education.

Running after things and people

There is so much pain in this world. Everyone is struggling in this life. But what is the cause of all this pain? I would categorise into 4 parts-Our mind, our ego self, our constant unhappiness with our own lives and comparing our lives with others.

Things I wish I knew 10 years ago

 

 Below is By Marc and Angel Hack Life.. This made so much sense to me and appreciate them for putting this up.. Hence decided to share the below in my blog..

 

Things I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago.

Stay in tune with your spirit.  Be calm and think.  Listen to your inner voice.  Anticipate and plan.  Take 100% responsibility for your life.  Lean into your struggles.  Act with courage.  Maintain an open mind.  Practice kindness and compassion.  Keep your promises.  Forgive, let go, and move forward.  This is how you get from where you are to where you want to be.
I’ve learned these concepts gradually over the last decade.  Together they have helped me live a life of purpose.  Had I understood these things 10 years ago, I could have avoided quite a bit of confusion and grief.  So today I figured I’d share a few more things I wish I had known sooner.  My hope is that they help you hurdle over some of the barriers I stumbled into on the road of life.

1. Loving someone should not mean losing YOU. – True love empowers you, it doesn’t erase you.  True love allows human beings to build amazing things, by working together through passion, kindness, and good will.  So be strong enough to stand alone, be yourself enough to stand apart, but be wise enough to share your love and stand together when the time comes. 
   
2. Getting even doesn’t help you get ahead. – You will never get ahead of anyone as long as you try to get even with them.  Sometimes we don’t forgive people because they deserve it.  We forgive them because they need it, because we need it, and because we cannot move forward without it.  To forgive is to rediscover the inner peace and purpose that at first you thought someone took away when they betrayed you.
3. You attract what you show to the world. – So if you want it,reflect it .  Happiness, freedom, and peace of mind are always attained by giving them out to others without expectation.  The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are eventually helped.  You have two hands; one to help yourself, the second to help those around you.
4. Failure is success when you learn from it. – Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.  Obstacles can’t stop you.  Problems can’t stop you.  Other people can’t stop you.  These barriers are temporary – they come and go.  Which is why, over the course of a lifetime, the only barrier that can truly stop you, is YOU.  So don’t give up.  Sometimes you have to journey through hell on Earth to find heaven on Earth.
5. You are not what you have done, but what you have overcome. – All the hardships.  All the mistakes.  All the rejections.  All the pain.  All the times you questioned why.  All of these things have given birth to the wisdom and strength that will help you shine your light on the world, even in the darkest of hours.
   
6. Your past can only hurt you today if you let it. – Do not pay any attention to what the past whispers if all it’s doing is bad-mouthing what today has to offer.  There are times when you need to release the bitterness and grab a firm hold of happiness, without permission and without reason.  The only way to get over the past is to leave it behind.  If you spend your time re-living moments that are gone forever, you might miss the special moments that are yet to come.
7. It’s never too late to become the person you are capable of being. – Repeat after me: “I AM FREE.”  You can fulfill your life purpose by starting here, in this moment.  The purpose of life is not to simply be happy, but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to make some kind of difference that you have lived at all.  Remember, life is constant change, but growth is optional.  Choose wisely, starting now.
8. Passion is important. – If you are trapped between your dreams and what other people think is right for you, always travel the route that makes you happy – unless you want everybody to be happy, except you.  And whatever you do, don’t chase the money.  Catch up to the ideas and activities that make you come alive.  Go for the things of greater value – the things money can’t buy – and use them to create a relevant profession.  
9. The pain is worth it. – You can’t really begin to appreciate life until it has knocked you down a few times.  You can’t really begin to appreciate love until your heart has been broken.  You can’t really begin to appreciate happiness until you’ve known sadness.  You have to struggle up the mountainside to appreciate the breathtaking view at the mountaintop.
10. Sometimes what you don’t want is what you need. – Sometimes the things you can’t change end up changingyou for the better . Master your responses to external events; don’t always attempt to control them.  You will rarely end up exactly where you wanted to go, but you will always end up exactly where you need to be. 

Learning to Accept Oneself

Its been a long, hard Battle with myself.... Hating myself to the core...Suffering in return.. Never realizing its so important to accept myself with all its beauty and ugliness.. Learning to embrace myself no matter what, was the toughest task in my life... But I learnt!! Still learning... Learning that its Ok to make mistakes, its Ok to make a fool of myself, its Ok to fall in love with someone who doesn't love you back, its Ok to feel anger and hatred, its Ok to scream out and feel intense hatred and then letting go...I have learnt all of that....Life is tough but it was never promised otherwise... There are moments when the going gets tough, when the tears come with just a slight provocation, then there are moments of intense joy and light-heartedness.. Life is all about that and more...

Bring your best possibilities to life.

You are right where you should be at this moment. Now it is time to move on to what is next.

Whether your life up to this point has been easy or whether it has been difficult, you are here just the same. And your destiny does not care about your past.

There are plenty of reasons why you find yourself here at this time. What matter much more, though, are the reasons you now have for moving forward.

As good as they have been, your triumphs of the past are now little more than pleasant memories. As painful as they once were, your past failures are now behind you.

Do you realize how completely free you are at this very moment? Do you understand that the main thing holding you back is your belief that something is holding you back?

Today is your opportunity to fully taste that freedom and to finally get beyond the limits you've imposed on yourself. Reach inside, touch your most compelling purpose, and bring your best possibilities to life.

-- Ralph Marston

arabic - belly - dance - music - song - darbuka - mezdeke - oryantal

PEOPLE CHANGE, CIRCUMSTANCES CHANGE

Its funny how certain people who mattered in your life a few months back, totally become obsolete in your life. This is probably because of the following reasons:
1.We sometimes discover certain sides of them which were unseen before.
2. We change our outlook in life.
3. Circumstances change.
4. We also sometimes realise they were not what they seemed to be.
5. They sometimes don't meet our expectations.

What I have realized is that Life changes and we need to flow with life. Holding on to people only gives more misery than happiness. Relationships or people are not always forever and we need to remember that and approach each day as a new day and with a mindset that people and circumstances will change..And we should be prepared for the Inevitable. I am still trying and I know I still have a Long way to go..